Last spring my Mom was killed in a car accident. Still, I feel like the pressures of my fathers new family are drawing him rapidly away from us. 9 Likes, 0 Comments - Life Coach (@lindadrosdowech) on Instagram: I was struggling after my dad died with my moms dementia, extended family issues, and oh yeah, 20 years ago she, too, was in an accident that almost killed her. I am a little hesitant because not thinking about my dad is helping me to be able to go on with my life, and I'm worried that talking about my feelings will just make me think about them all the time. and died that following Monday (we let her go there was a machine breathing for her. You need to get a grip on your own life and let your parents be human beings. I still cant beleive it. The sooner the better. This is a different time of your life, a different love. She has her own home, has 2 grown children, 2 grandchildren but is now completely in charge of his checking and savings account. I once cut his hair too short,she told him he looked like a thug,wouldnt speak to him for days,now he panics every time I cut his hair incase I use the wrong fitting. Just tell your dad you are not ready for that right now and you understand his needs. Keep it to yourself, lady!!). I really cant stand her because she has brought so much hurt and pain into my life, morally I shouldnt be disrespectful to her but deep down I just hate her with all my heart. Know that there is someone in England who is thinking of you and hoping you find your way. Because, even though my Father-in-law needed someone in his life, someone that made something spark again, and even though shes there to take care of him and take him on the trips hed planned on doing with his wife, my husband and his siblings lost their mother. I need to be there. she said. Now his wife has him to herself. Im and always had been very very close to my parents, especially my mom. Would I really want to bring more pain to the family and use the excuse that he deserves to be happy as if the girlfriend is the only way a man of 76 could be happy? Im surprised she even waited 18 months before she joined the dating agency. Sometimes, grief hits you in weird moments, but thats when you might need to let yourself live in that sadness the most. Mom was worried that he would pine away when she died. Im not sure what to say to him or how to react to all of this. And though Im not a psychiatrist or counselorand while mourning takes on different forms for everyoneI wanted to share what brought me comfort. Im sad, scared, confused and irritated with myself for petty immature thoughts. I am not a heartless jerk on the contrary, I am a loving, dedicated father and have much to give why waste a day living in sorrow and lonliness on this earth when the time God has given us is so short? Someone had given my husband & me tickets to a Christmas symphony orchestra performance a week or so after dads decorating party tickets for 4. 755 Likes, 6 Comments - Shy Wolf Sanctuary (@shywolf_sanctuary) on Instagram: Raven was in need of rescue after her mom died and dad gave away all animals so that he could move So I accept it or lose my Dad. He was 91 and still healthy. I told him hes wrong for that. This whole matter has made me sick and disgusted. After I started working at YouTube, Dad loved sending me his favorite live versions of songs he found on the platform. My dad spends every waking minute with her when hes not working, and doesnt see me anymore and rushes me off the phone when I call him, and has almost completely quit calling me. she brushed it off bc due to the market she didnt think wed get a place we could afford..but then she received a letter in the mail a week or so later stating she was losing 600 a month due to my middle sister turning 18, she came storming into my room demanding my husband & I start paying what shed be losing monthly to her in rent. And though hes a grown man who can make his decisions, the kids still deserved some consideration. They were married 34 years good relationship. We all want that. I wish you the best through these troubling hours. This sweep it under the rug and ignore it strategy goes against what I would like, because I feel it makes our relationships with my dad superficial, but Ive come to accept that a superficial relationship with him is better than no relationship at all. . So, I dont know why I cant feel the same way about my father. We dont have a problem with him dating , its just who he is dating. You're a daughter, which means that your life was meant to go on without him. If you can, get her active in life. Our editors handpick the products that we feature. The nerve!!! From this I feel like I have been able to step back and gain some insight, and this insight has brought me some healing and clarity. He drives her everywhere even though she has a car sitting outside her door,THEY BOTH go visiting her family together,regularly together,yet its only dad alone that visits my family and sisters. My mom passed away in Nov. 2010. Take care of yourself first. I told her that my sister and I need to be alone with my dad from time to time. Mum moving on soon after dads death | Mumsnet I felt guilty when I said I dont want to meet him, but since reading everyones comments I know im not an evil person for feeling that way. As for your momif you live so close, go spend as much time as you can with her. .I cant believe I found this website. So his death was extremely sudden and we were just left in shock. Im sure people have different views on this. She got taken to the hospital and the doctors said it was a very bad cellulitis infection that was curable. My father has no friends so thats why hes so desperate to be with her. Then in July, he went camping with her and her family. Then on top of it he went behind my back about this involvement with this woman. Her. I am in the same ship as most of you. I wouldnt want my husband to be alone the rest of his life, but I would want for him to have the time it takes to grieve properly and to give our kids the time they need. Again, the problem is that it happened too soon no time for him to grieve properly or me. Ive finally accepted that he hasnt replaced my Mom, he just wants companionship and to be happy again. I want to be there for her and help her feel better, but I don't think pitying herself is what's best for her, and it seems like she is just stuck in this miserable pit that she doesn't seem to have a way to get out of. I felt, and still feel, as though I am left in charge of making sure he's okay. She also managed to monopolize every situation with her own drama (example: she lost her license for the vehicular manslaughter 2 days before my wedding and dad and people that were supposed to help me with the wedding ended up driving her around, taking her to hair appts, buying groceries for the out-of-towners dinner at dads house which she never prepared bc she was in court so my mother-in-law had to make it, etc., taking valuable helpers away from me-the bride-who was doing/making everything herself to save money). Mum shocked to be called. In your case the perpetrator was your wife so perhaps with work you would learn to trust another again. My mom, like many of your moms, passed away from cancer (colon), in 2006. The first thought in our minds was that they were seeing each other. You should talk to a local You will be able to move on. . Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. documentaries Jan. 30, 2023. Anyway my dad has been staying over at her house for probably over a year now. We were married for 22 years and have many happy memories to keep. But Im still reeling over a set of events that happened this last Christmas, our first without my Mother-in-law. Im upset that he is treating another woman better than he treated his wife and mother of his three children by appreciating this lady, sending her flowers, making her feel special, communicating with her etc. But I love him , he is a great man, I know he is not perfect but I know not one of us is perfect but we have to be kind. When you do everything you can to resolve a situation and the other person still rejects you, you must stop thinking, I havent done enough.. My mom has been dead for five years. Communicating with him is like trying to squeeze blood from a turnip. Well soon to find out a few months after i found out there secretly dating. Cuz you never know. Around sept 2022 I mentioned to my mom we were applying places and getting ready to move out as we were outgrowing the space we had there. I know it hasn't been a ton of time yet and obviously we are still going through the stages of grief, but I don't want my mom to just be completely miserable. My mother died in 2009. I should also mention that he is well aware that some of the children, who were especially close to Mom, are struggling a great deal with this. I dont want him to make a huge mistake. Your Mom needs to go get a job. Even my Mom told my sister and I she was on her way out of the world, but my Dad had a lot of denial and would not learn or read up on everything so he was in denial until the Doctor talked with my sister and I and we had a meeting , so then after that he got it that she was not coming home. All I have known for 26 years of my life is the love between my mother and my father. You do not wake up one day and say Oops Ive fallen in love. I cannot imagine ever being in a situation where self-interest would lead me to watch my children who are now 22 and 18 go through the equivalent of an additional bereavement while I bask in the warm glow of new romance. Just more pain, more hurt, more sadnessI only hope I would never cause anyone the pain that this has caused me and my family. Just have to wait until he thinks its the right time to tell us I guess, Im so happy i found this website i thought i was the only one in this situation. Plus I told my Mom to not trust her and My Mom would say she is ok, she kept coming over , and I can not go over to see my Dad with out her coming over . You have an alcoholic father and an abusive mother. Sorry, kid. You're best on your own. Actually, you would be best with your chosen family, the c He once sent me a live version of Glen Campbells MacArthur Park and noted: Just listen to the bridge from 2:00 minutes until 4:20. I was close to both of my parents. I'm an American with T-Mobile. I feel at this point that my dad died too. She once said that nurses who were overweight should be fired as it was obvious they could not be doing a good job. He watched as she ruled the roost, assaulted, unplugged the phone and did all she could to be top dog and see his family pushed away. Ugh. I received a text from my brother which stated that my dad had a heart attack and I needed to get to the hospital right away. Everyone in the community remembers my Mom and tells me what a sweet lady she was and for that I am grateful that people have such fond memories of her. She felt needed and purposeful. With this same situation here at home, my wife, her dads girlfriend just died. I do know that I took my Dads death much harder than my mother did. We were very knowledgable about each others lives. I have supported them all the way why cant they both respect my late mother my mom lets her wear my late mothers clothes sleeps here and at their condo it bothers me Im wrong to feel this way? Which he did, but he seemed very needy and insecure. Even though the other sister was with my mom every second of every day since my moms diagnosis and passing. I believe that I am a good, caring person who loves their father and only want the best for them, if they only will give me a chance. I want him to be happyI really dobut concerned and feeling robbed of my dad. I didnt want to but I thought Id try to be nice and meet her. After speaking with a few family members, I found out that my mom did not like this cousin. My mom passed a few months ago on March 23, 2016. I have 1 older brother who has taken everything from my dad (which has tried to be hidden) so since she likes him he is 120% on her side. Even if she said she was she would probably change her mind. We were home a week then they left again on a trip to Hawaii. My point is- as we are accepting his new friend- we are not ready to meet her, or allow her to be a part of our family. A lot more listening and a lot less suggesting what she should do worked well. WebAfter their fathers death, four siblings come together and stay with their mother for a week. Im not talking about holidays or family parties, where of course inclusion is important. The the following year, found out Marsha, Marsha, Marsha and him were dating, when it started I do not know. Now he has found a lady friend, a very nice woman his age and of the catholic faith like him. Ive tried reminding him that while our mom was still alive, it was normal and non-threatening for us each to have our separate relationships with our mom and with our dad, and then the combined relationship with all. I have no idea who this woman is nor do I want to know. Whether at the giving end of things or the receiving endwe want to hear from you. Her shoes still sit in the entry way of the house and her glasses, hand lotion and chapstick are still are her nightstand. One of the friends that I talked to took it upon herself to call the girlfriend and tell her all my complaints and now my Dad is so mad at me, blaming me cause the girlfriend is upset and is possibly moving out. My mom died in December 2008, almost a year ago. Except for the fact that it was really hard to communicate with her because she spoke little English. I actually understand your frustration because you have done nothing wrong & you havent done anything wrong. I lost my father. Where was Buster Murdaugh When His Mom and Brother Were It is just the innocent acceptance of a child (even as an adult) that the parents job is to love and protect his child is irrevocably shattered. She was my best friend and i miss her everyday. We are so happy and today is the day we get to celebrate us. I am sorry that you are going through this. This disease took her away from me as a wife. So after telling myself You wouldnt want him to be alone when hes old guess what? I rubbed my eyes and quickly jumped out of bed, faster than I've ever done anything in my life. His girlfriend had the nerve to come without him, then pull me aside when she was there just to tell me that she wasnt trying to replace my mom and we should honor her at all occasions.